Girlfriend

Today was a rough one.

My girlfriend came over after work to "talk".  No, it wasn't The Talk. She tried convincing me not to leave, not to travel, to stay.

It's been an uphill battle, an emotional roller coaster to explain why I must change lifestyles and live unpredictably and adventurously...at least until I've had my fill.  But is it until I've had my fill, or is it a permanent lifestyle?  If so, how do I eventually consolidate both my wants: one, really explore the world to the best of my ability and two, have a family down the road.

An option is to explore now, develop a relationship later and start a family much later.  The issue I see with this option is what happens if my adventurous lifestyle becomes incompatible with a long-term relationship or marriage?  My girlfriend has already clearly said that I can travel my way, stay with her but not both.  Incompatible.

Another option is to travel less adventurously.  Live in a way that my girlfriend is ok with.  The issue in this one is how to live adventurously if I have to always be close to a phone or have internet access?  An even greater obstacle is traveling without being away from my girlfriends' side for more than 3 days.  Yes, she is emotionally high maintenance (her words, not mine.  I agree with her) and ideally for her we would be with each other 22 out of the 24 hours of the day.  She's not crazy and gives me plenty of space (I like my space) but even so, she can't imagine us being away from one another for more than a week.

But I love her.  Love her enough to tell her the true state of my mental health.  I'm unhappy living this life and I'm nomadic at heart.  How can I make her happy if I'm depressed?  How can she enjoy me if I'm down?

Trust me, I've shared these points with her.  She understands...yet she doesn't.  She wants to be with me and  finds new questions to prod at my theory or finds angles that can turn my arguments upside down.

I'm not escaping this life, or her.  I'm finding my direction.  I don't want to lose her, but sadly I think I will.  Doesn't matter how much two people love one another, I don't think two people should stay together if they have different goals and opposing perspectives on life that will lead them to different lifestyles.

Anyways, we're talking tomorrow again.  I'm preparing for a long conversation lasting until 11 or 12. Exhausting but necessary, especially if you love the other person.

To stay or to go?

Obviously for me it is go, but what things will I pack in my suitcase and which ones will I leave behind?  Will I ever come back for things I should have never left behind?

I wonder what others would do in my situation?