Adventure Map

Looking for a way to distract my mind, I decided to sketch out the first 5 weeks of travel.  Plans are subject to change.

KEY

Black spotted lines stand for travel by plane; 

Solid red lines represent travel by train; and

Orange lines mean travel by boat.

These first 5 weeks will start and end in Barcelona.  The five weeks are split into 6 stages:

1) Acclimatization - Adapt to time difference by enjoying the Barcelona nightlife. Time allotted - 2 days.

2) Jewels of the East - Visit beautiful Prague, go back in time to Bratislava, and admire Budapest in 7 days by train.

3) The Far East - Make it (alive) to Sofia, Bulgaria by train then explore the Bulgarian coast by bus as I make my way to Istanbul.  Allotted time - 7 days

4) Island Hopping -  Make it to Thessaloniki, Greece from Istanbul.  Travel by boat to Los and Mykonos and end in Athens, all in 7 days.

5) Croatia - From Zagreb, make my way to the Croatian coast and visit its legendary and hidden towns and islands.  Allotted time - 8 days

6) Return to Home Base - From Zagreb, take a plane back to Barcelona.  Enjoy Barcelona for a few days to decide on a course of action.  Do I want to return to one of the previous destinations?  Where else do I want to go?  Barcelona will be a time to touch base with myself.

This plan is tentative and subject to change on mood shifts, rash decisions and tired legs that refuse to walk another mile.  Hopefully the fast pace of the trip will not be too much to handle.  If it is, I'll stop and rest and rethink my plan.

Girlfriend...the end

My girlfriend and I broke up yesterday.

Maybe it's how her head rests on her hands,
or  the color of her hair,
but this picture reminds me of her when she was sad

It wasn't terrible.  It wasn't devastating.  No lamps or plates were thrown.  Angry, accusatory words never left either one of our lips.

Our break up was expected and we both had prepared for it.  If anything it was sad, almost melancholic. Oddly enough, it was also relieving.

Sunday night we had a three hour long discussion on where we were going.  Originally we had decided to wean ourselves from each other.  A transition period defined by progressively limiting the time we spent together and doing "couples" things.

This transition period did not go well.  The rules were broken more often than followed.  We acted as if everything was ok, but behind the scenes my girlfriend's heart was being mercilessly crushed and I was emotionally taxed to an extent never experienced before.  Finally she confronted me about it.  She could do it no longer.

It was tough breaking up.  I was hoping to slowly grow apart from our relationship and into a friendship.  Having her disappear completely from my life was not something I wanted but it was unfair of me to expect her to easily transition into a friendship.  After all, I was leaving her to pursue my dreams, leaving her alone.

Her greatest complaint was that I was not putting "us" before everything else.  For the last few months of our relationship I had struggled with this accusation.  I knew she was right, that I placed myself and my well being and future ahead of our mutual future, I just did not know why.  I went through an existentialist retrospective period where I questioned myself, my actions and my direction in life.  The central question though was why am I leaving such an amazing girl?  Why would any guy do that?

It took me months to figure out that as a person, I am still figuring myself out.  I do not have a complete feeling of "wholeness".  It's as if I only know and can explain half of "me", who I am.  The other half is still unclear to me.  Not knowing myself fully and completely, and not knowing with 100% certainty what it was I wanted to do in life, I could not give my all to someone.  I need to concentrate on myself, and be ok with myself before I can be ok with making promises and meaningful commitments to others.  In summary, I was more than just hesitant to put all my energy in our relationship when, as a result of me not being "whole", I might change my mind or do things that would undermine our relationship.  That was a risk I was not willing to make.  The best part, the most relieving part of it was that she understood.  She even said she was in a similar phase herself.  We both agreed that while I deal with this lack of wholeness by doing radical things, she deals with it by getting more attached to, and depending on, people.  We also agreed we should work on how we deal with these things.

We hugged a lot, were sad for a lot of it but still managed to smile and even laugh several times throughout the entire conversation on Wednesday.  We agreed on no communication for a week, and then some texts.  We'll see what happens.  I miss her already and I know she misses me.  But this will give us both time to move on with our lives and really get to know ourselves better.  I feel like an 18 year old straight out of high school, not knowing what I want to do with my life.  I guess we never really know.  Eventually we have to decide on a path.  For now, I have decided the path I chose is not the right one for me (for now) and I must try all the other paths before I stick to one, or create my own.

It was the best break up I could have ever hoped for.  Mutual understanding out of love and respect made our break up peaceful.  I feel like we will be friends and that the bridge between us has not been burned.  Some day we might get back together.  Maybe we will not.  Either way, she will always have a very special place in my heart, and I know I will too in hers.

Hey Kid, You Running Away?

Some days I feel completely demoralized.  Doubts creep up on me and everything I do becomes a metaphor, a symbol, any reason not to go on my new path or to question my new path (for non-depressing reading, skip to the below meme)

Questioning my path is good.  I reevaluate and reexamine in different lights and as a result gain new perspectives.  That is good.  It's bad when these thoughts are crippling. Today I was going to write about these doubts, my fears and the crippling anxiety.  But I'm not going to.

The one thing that keeps me going and strengthens my resolve is laughing at the ridiculousness of my previous adventures or just laughing about life itself.  Life is great and it must be enjoyed at its fullest.  I will bask in the glory of having lived adventurously...and in the silliness of enjoying the simple and random, like the picture below.

Random, unrelated meme I
chose only because it made me laugh

My first pre-adventure

Let's tie what has been written so far to the title; "Hey Kid, You Running Away?"

The old guy was less cool and more creepy
than this old gangsta

Not the exact words the baggy-jeans totting, hoodie-wearing, urinal smelling old man asked me at the greyhound bus stop back in February.  His words were closer to "you're running away from home, aren't ya?".  That was following the "how old are you?" and "do you want work? You can work for me at my hotel and do whatever you want" questions.





How did I get to telling him things you might ask.  Well quite honestly (and I hate to admit it) he skillfully employed player tactics to get me to reluctantly talk to him like a stuck up hot girl at a bar reluctantly talks to the persistent d-bag in the bar.  I hated every moment but could not shake him off!  To all those girls out there I ever forcefully entered a conversation with, I sincerely apologize.

It all started with the bad decision to sit a few seats over from an old lady and her 10 shopping bags.
That was my first mistake. Never sit next to or close to people with groceries!  Only crackheads and the homeless buy groceries in one city before boarding a greyhound bus to transport "groceries" to the next city.  Dig in through the grocery bags (I don't recommend it, they'll stab you with a needle if you do) and you'll find meth and weed beneath the lettuce leafs suspiciously placed over the other items.

The 10 shopping bags turned out to belong to an old lady and her older male friend.  At a glance they seemed like an ordinary, lower middle class couple.  It wasn't until the old man approached me that I noticed that under the hoodie his matted hair and dark eye circles gave him the appearance of a runaway serial killer.    He asked me if I could keep an eye out on their precious cargo while he and, in his own words, "new lady friend" grabbed a cup of coffee from the small greyhound store 10 feet away.  I told him that was fine but that I might have to leave soon.

When they came back 10 mins later, the man extended a smelly hand to thank me.  I knew something was wrong.  No, it wasn't that each finger had a different tatto on it or that he approached me angling his body sideways.  If I had to take a wild guess it was the mischievous look in his eyes, his invasion of my personal space and his deep, low almost whispering voice.

I tried shrugging him away after I reluctantly shook his dirty hand.  Shaking his hand was the hardest thing I had done in months.  I had no purel hand sanitizer on hand and I wanted to eat my chips.  What kept me from not shaking his hand was the fear of a bloody needle piercing my neck in a split instant.

He asked my name to which I gave the fastest bogus name I could come up with: Derrick Erickson.  He then asked me where I was going.  Half scared to death, but still keeping my wits with me, I replied with an answer: "where are you going?".  If he said Nashville I was cancelling my ticket.  Luckily he said Cincinnati.  "Phew!  That was a close one!"   I thought to myself.  I was only half right.

The guy proceeded to ask me where I lived.  I bluntly asked him why he wanted to know.  He avoided the question by asking me if I was looking for a job to which I replied no.  My answer went over his head as he asked if I could make a side-trip to Cincinnati to interview with him and his arthritis gang for a job.  Cincinnati was east and I was heading south so a little out of my way.  He then asked if I could see him at his hotel at a sketchy part of town, offering me the offer of a lifetime to do anything I wished to do.  Again I had to refuse.

You may be asking, how did I escape?  Easily.  Old man and lady lover (who by the way had dried up blood on her nose) were going to white castle for a late night snack.  When I politely refused to go with them  they asked if I could keep an eye out on their groceries.  This time I happily obliged.  Anything to make them leave!  When they were gone, I snuck off to the opposite end of the building and sat behind a pillar.  I still texted a friend all the physical descriptors I could of the duo.  They could always come back...

My adventure to Nashville and back was pretty cool.  Too many stories to share in one blog post, but one quick one to share is the moment I realized the source of the poop smell in the bus.  The source was in fact a used diaper, wait for it, UNDER MY SEAT!!  Not about to reach for it, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

A Visual Representation of The Jump

The Jump is still a few months away for me yet I can't stop wondering how it will be.  Instead of writing my thoughts in detail, pictures and videos will represent the different outcomes.

A visual interpretation

Jumping has many outcomes.  I can take flight, belly flop to the ground, be swept up by an eagle (how cool would that be?).  Here are some of the many possibilities from best to worst.

The Rebound

I lied.  Before we start from best to worst, here's the coolest outcome.

Sometimes there is no other way to go but down, but down isn't forever!  This video is a metaphor for a second chance; the rebound jump takes you higher than ever before.  At the height of the rebound, gravity starts pulling you back down to end the trip in a magnificent splash.  The cycle starts again and you, knowing it didn't kill you, are more comfortable taking another Jump.

Taking Flight

Let's start with the ideal outcome.  Run, Jump and take flight!  Cruising through the air, the world is reduced to a legoland.  My descent is slow and planned.

Gliding

Remind me to Jump off this cliff.  The view is absolutely stunning!

Jumping from a cliff in the Norwegian fjords, this basejumper describes the before, during and after experience.  His Jump is off a mountain cliff, mine is off a metaphorical cliff yet there are so many parallels between his jump and the jump to cubicle-job liberation.

The absolute worst

Belly flopping.  It stings and the red skin marks are a constant reminder of your, well, failure.  You learn from your mistakes.  You'll do anything to avoid this outcome again.

Be prepared

Don't be caught unprepared.  Planning improves the odd of a nice flight or glide!

Girlfriend

Today was a rough one.

My girlfriend came over after work to "talk".  No, it wasn't The Talk. She tried convincing me not to leave, not to travel, to stay.

It's been an uphill battle, an emotional roller coaster to explain why I must change lifestyles and live unpredictably and adventurously...at least until I've had my fill.  But is it until I've had my fill, or is it a permanent lifestyle?  If so, how do I eventually consolidate both my wants: one, really explore the world to the best of my ability and two, have a family down the road.

An option is to explore now, develop a relationship later and start a family much later.  The issue I see with this option is what happens if my adventurous lifestyle becomes incompatible with a long-term relationship or marriage?  My girlfriend has already clearly said that I can travel my way, stay with her but not both.  Incompatible.

Another option is to travel less adventurously.  Live in a way that my girlfriend is ok with.  The issue in this one is how to live adventurously if I have to always be close to a phone or have internet access?  An even greater obstacle is traveling without being away from my girlfriends' side for more than 3 days.  Yes, she is emotionally high maintenance (her words, not mine.  I agree with her) and ideally for her we would be with each other 22 out of the 24 hours of the day.  She's not crazy and gives me plenty of space (I like my space) but even so, she can't imagine us being away from one another for more than a week.

But I love her.  Love her enough to tell her the true state of my mental health.  I'm unhappy living this life and I'm nomadic at heart.  How can I make her happy if I'm depressed?  How can she enjoy me if I'm down?

Trust me, I've shared these points with her.  She understands...yet she doesn't.  She wants to be with me and  finds new questions to prod at my theory or finds angles that can turn my arguments upside down.

I'm not escaping this life, or her.  I'm finding my direction.  I don't want to lose her, but sadly I think I will.  Doesn't matter how much two people love one another, I don't think two people should stay together if they have different goals and opposing perspectives on life that will lead them to different lifestyles.

Anyways, we're talking tomorrow again.  I'm preparing for a long conversation lasting until 11 or 12. Exhausting but necessary, especially if you love the other person.

To stay or to go?

Obviously for me it is go, but what things will I pack in my suitcase and which ones will I leave behind?  Will I ever come back for things I should have never left behind?

I wonder what others would do in my situation?

One-Way Ticket to Barcelona

As I mentioned a few days ago, my ticket is bought and friends and family know of my plan to saying adios! to my damn cubicle (but I'll miss most of my coworkers, especially those that help the days go by fast).

My excitement cup filling up to the brim, I try as hard as I can to stop it from overflowing.  All efforts are futile.  I have way too much to plan and to do before I leave and the fact that I have only bought a one-way ticket out of the States and no return ticket only adds to the excitement.  But why stop it from overflowing?  After all, the whole point of quitting my job and pursuing an adventurous life is to feel alive with excitement! Instead of excitement restraint I should get a bigger, larger cup.  Maybe a jug. Or a keg.

Purchasing the ticket was harder than expected.  First I had to make the transition from thinking to doing.  Procrastination was a leal friend.  Having too many options was worst of all.  What city should I fly to?  How do I get the cheapest flight?  How do I get from city 1 to my next destination?  How many steps in advance should I plan for?!  Buy a ticket the day after I quit work or a month later?  It was an overwhelming undertaking...at first.  Then I remembered my own advice and took one step at a time.

I broke it down to a few steps.  

First I chose the last day of work.  May 31st.  Second I estimated how long it would take to finish straightening out all my shit (sell furniture, bed and car) after I quit.  I gave myself a one week deadline.  Then I looked for flights leaving anytime after my deadline (June 8th).

Time frame in mind, I set out to looking for candidate cities.  Doing a quick search in travel blogs and websites I settled for the following cities.  Frankfurt, Germany; London; Barcelona, Spain; Paris, France.  Why these cities?  Leaving the States isn't cheap.  I had a better chance of finding cheap(er) tickets out of the US to the old world if I looked for flights to these cities.  And why not these cities?  Being greeted by delicious Parisian dishes or by London's incredible architecture would not be a bad first stop.

Now I had to find cheap flights.  The usual bargain/discount sites all offered the same flights costing $800 and up one way.  Most options included 1-3 layovers or offered terrible flight times.  Let down, I confided my defeat to a good friend who happens to travel a lot.  He suggested using a Google software to find the real, cheap tickets.  I gave the site a try and although skeptical at first I soon fell in love with it!

Here is how to do it: 

Fill out the search query and the program scans for the cheapest flights out there.  As with anything Google, it is easy to use and the results clearly laid out.   The best part is, they make no money from finding the cheapest flights!  Tickets cannot be bought or sold on the site.  You have to find and purchase the flights discovered by Google online or directly from the airline.  The program will not do this for you.  The name of the program is ITA Software by Google and you can access it here.  I found a cheap flight ($400!!) leaving from Chicago on June 12th at 9 pm and arriving at Barcelona the next morning.

It took me a while to find the tickets online.  I did not trust purchasing my ticket directly from the airline so I bought it from Cheapoair.com.  Cheapoair usually offers you most plane tickets out there and you can purchase cancellation protection (money back if tickets are not purchased by Cheapoair or if you cancel your travel) and travelers insurance for a measly $20.  Cheapoair offers their own promo discounts which pretty much covers the $20 insurance package (google "Cheapoair discounts" or click here) I found the ticket, included the insurance package, filled out payment information and immediately hit enter.  Ok, maybe not immediately.  I may have panicked for a good 15 minutes.  But I eventually shook off the rationalization fairy from my shoulder and hit enter.

The safe route or the exciting option

I'm debating on whether to purchase a return ticket to some other US city or not.  I could plan out the next legs of my journey (if only to take advantage of the early-bird cheap prices) but I could also wait until I get there to plan ahead.  The former is safer, the latter is more, well, adventurous.  My gut feeling is to buy a return ticket to a US city where I have relatives who would take me in while I planned my next adventure.  Cheapoair offers cancellation protection so I could always cancel my flight a week or two before if everything went well.  I love adventure, but safety precautions should always be taken.

Recap

One-way ticket to Barcelona in the bag. Next step is to purchase a refundable, safety-plan return flight to the States.  Plan the next few steps of my trip to snatch those dirt-cheap prices ahead of time.  After that I should start figuring out what to do with all my personal belongings and my car.

All this can wait tomorrow morning.  It's almost 11 and I should go to bed.  Monday mornings are bad enough as it is.  Sleep deprivation would only make it worse.

Good night fellow explorers!

Diary entries coming soon!